Sometimes you start off with the best of intentions – you’re going to be a people person – you’re going to give all the loving you can like everyone is going to die at midnight (the advice that the Rev Earl gave to W when W got born again and saved – according to O Stone). That’s just what I was trying to do yesterday morning at court in Long Beach. As I stood outside of Dept 10, I could sense that someone needed me, needed my love and I was ready. A young black woman – age 18-25, stood in front of me and asked “where’s SO 7”. Even if she didn’t actually use the word “please” I wasn’t going to hold it against her. Because I was there to give all the love I could. I knew what “SO” was – that’s the building we were in – easy. We were right across from SO 10 – I quickly realized that. I knew that SO 6 was down at the other end of the floor. I knew where SO 9 was; I knew where SO 8 was, but 7, SO 7, just rang no bell in my brain. I was mulling it over when she spit it out – “You don’t have to waste my time, just say you don’t know.” And she walked away down the hall. Wow. All I wanted was to give the love and a body blow first thing in the morning.
And now I’m remembering I know 7; I’ve been in 7; it’s the misdemeanor court down the hall.
By the time I got to my preliminary hearing, I was already bummed out. The DA is a friendly, collegial tone asks me to waive the preliminary hearing (she didn’t say but I knew the reason was it was going to take a couple of days and she had other stuff to do). I was all outa love by then. “Are you kidding? You yell when I’m not ready for the prelim (I’d been in trial a couple of times when the prelim hearing had been scheduled and had to ask for postponements) and now you want me to waive it? No.” She’s offended. “I never screamed at you.” And she was right She never did. But how was she to know that I hear “anger” as a scream – it goes back to my mother. I did realize this but things had gone so far to the toilet already with my one selfless act of love already rejected that it was too late to turn this ship I call “me” around and be a human being. And so yet again I learn a lesson in life.
