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YOU JAMMIN’ ME?

"What are you jammin* me for?" DA says to me. My client had refused to waive time**. "I'm not jammin you." I tell him. "My client wants to have his trial already." (I'd like to add but I don't "he doesn't know anything aobut your...

i couldn’t do probation

What is probation? The dictionary says: 1. the act of testing. 2. the testing or trial of a person's conduct, character, qualifications, or the like. 3. the state or period of such testing or trial. 4. Law. a. a method of dealing with...

IS LIFE HIGH SCHOOL?

Am I still in high school? Threatened by a judge with $5,000 in sanctions for not preparing a brief on time - like being late with your homework. The judge keeps me waiting in court for two hours while he decides what he's really going to do to...

THE BIRDS DO IT THE BEES DO IT EVEN CLARENCE DARROW DID IT

Sometimes I wish I was a DA. I look with envy on their lot. (well except for those in the welfare fraud division who have to prosecute poor people in wheelchairs for being a little greedy with the dole) The reason I envy DA's is that they have...

TOUGH GIG

I'm in court and watch as a judge listens to a man's brother plead with the judge not to sentence his brother to 25 to life under the 3 strikes law. Although this was the defendant's 3rd or 4th violent crime conviction, the brother told the...

DECRIMINALIZE

California prisons are filled to the brim (no pun intended). Why? Because no politician, no judge has ever gotten into trouble for sending "criminals" away for the maximum time possible. BASIC LAW OF BEING A JUDGE OR POLITITICAN. THE TOUGHER...

LAWYERING SKILL

Just today I had a hearing where I didn't say a word. It was a contempt hearing. The judge let my client go without putting him in jail. The judge said "you see Mr. Meyer the less you say the better the lawyer you are."

COURT CRED

I get cred from courtroom staff depending on the bizzareness of my clients cases. Whenever I see the Kathie the clerk - in whatever court she is in - her face lights up and we reminisce about a trial over 15 years ago where my client's wife -...

I’M A CRIMINAL

last night I had a dream. I did an armed robbery using my antique WWII M-1. Immediately caught I was in a police car and the cop said - "If you tell me what happened I'll give you a break. I know that this was a one time thing and you're not a...

EYE WITNESS

Eye witnesses are a nightmare for me cause they're so believable. Everyone believes they saw what they say they saw. Even if we read tons of stories in newspapers about some guy getting out of prison after 30 years because some DNA proved that...

MEDIA QUESTION

Why is it that whenever the cops record an interrogation they put the microphone close to the cops and you can hear them clear as a bell but the guy being worked over - usually my client - you can never hear clearly. Do they do this on...

WHAT DO YOU CALL 8 JUDGES STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR

As I'm leaving the Criminal Courts for lunch a deputy sheriff with glee in his voice shouts "Did you hear there are 8 judges stuck in the elevator!" Wow.

PHILOSOPHICAL MUSINGS IN COURT

i'm sitting in court and hear this exchange. "Well Mr. so & so if you want to go )pro per (be your own lawyer)you'll be going up against someone who has been to college and then law school and is a tremendously experienced prosecutor. Do...

elevators at the ccb

i'm on the elevator today in the ccb (folz justice center) and there's this young man wearing a suit and an enormous badge announcing he's with the DA's office who gets on and he's whistling. Not absent-mindedly - like people do but he's...

CHRISTMAS TALE 10

The elevator comes and Arthur goes silent. We walk out the front doors of the CCB. "So tell me what happened Arthur?" Arthur shrugs. "What do you think? The jury came back, guilty, murder in the first degree. They were out for every one of 15...

CHRISTMAS TALE 9

"Imelda took the stand. She was spectacular. I believed every word she said. Joker, her husband, mistreated her; Joker was a miserable human being; she hoped she'd never have to see him again; she hoped her daughter would never have to see him either. In...

CHRISTMAS TALE 8

The Judge banged his gavel and simultaneously jumped off the bench. Court's done, finally. But Arthur is still going on. I'm trying to be polite, I love Arthur, but I want to get outta there. "Arthur..." I try to make him aware that we're the...

CHRISTMAS TALE 7

"Actually the trial itself, once we started with the witnesses went rather well. Boxer's girlfriend, Loretta, quite the looker as we used to say (why do these gangsters attract such lovely gals? After 50 years making this observation I still...

CHRISTMAS TALE 6

"Okay, maybe not an Astronaut, I'm simply not going to allow myself to be confined in a box for a week or however long it takes to travel in space these days but rest assured I am capable of it if necessary. You do want to hear about the...

CHRISTMAS TALE 5

Arthur smiled at me. “I know exactly what you’re thinking - 'another ferkokta alibi.' Can't say I did not have the same view, which I conveyed to my client, Mr. Beltran aka Joker. That’s precisely when we got off on the wrong foot so to say....

CHRISTMAS TALE 4

The Judge took the bench and the dock started to fill up with prisoners waiting to be arraigned. Arthur seemed to snap out of it. “Her name was Imelda. What she was doing with Joker who could imagine? A real nice girl. She had to nudge Joker to death...